Wow. Last day of 2018. Excuse me while I take a deep breath. Currently dipping crackers in hummus, sitting at my favorite coffee shop and sort of in a daze this year is coming to a close. The past few weeks I’ve been trying to take time to reflect and seek out what 2019 will manifest. I figured the last official TNK post of 2018 should represent all this, to maybe inspire or resonate with you in some way. Or simply show where I’m currently at in life.
Let me preface, I really don’t think there is a right or wrong way to go about setting intentions for the new year. For me personally, I tend to write out my core values in life and throughout the year reference back to those core values when centering myself or struggling through something. It feels a lot less overwhelming than “climb mount everest” “move to austrailia” “get a beyonce booty”…you get the point. Sometimes we make the mistake of setting up “goals” based on numbers, asthetics or specifics and it can be dissapointing when those things don’t happen or are simply unattainable.
Re-aligning with my core values works for me. Another concept I learned about from Davida at The Healthy Maven was to choose a few words for the year (or month). I will dive a little deeper into that in a bit! To start this post, I wanted to reflect a bit on this past year becasue I found myself feeling like I didn’t overcome a lot. Feeling lost, confused and unsure of so much. Then I came across a note I wrote on my laptop back in January…
An excerpt from January 2018:
I’ve mentally been hard on myself. Not confident in my own skin. Feeling ashamed or embarrassed of where I’m at in life. I’m not sure what the answers are. I’m not sure when I’ll get better but I keep reminding myself to fall forward. I’m working towards my dreams and will make them happen. I have a plethora of thoughts and ideas I want to explore and I have to remind myself, it doesn’t have to be all at once and that I’m still young.
BUT I also don’t want to hold myself back. Do I become a pilates instructor? Will I become a sports dietitian? Should I try to sell or share my granola products? Do I find a mountain to climb? Do I move to Boston even if I don’t get the internship? Do I start foodtography school? Do I finally let go of my insecurities and simply laugh for the sake of laughing, no other thoughts crowding my mind. Do I get my masters in functional medicine even though my mentors think I should wait? Do I start working on my business?
There’s so much. So much I want to do and learn and become. At this moment right now it feels like I’m just waiting for it all to happen and fall into place…but Ive never worked like that. I always go out and fight for what I want. Make it happen. So Why am I waiting this time? What do I have to lose?
Woah right? At this point in time I had just dropped out of a doctorate program, was flooded with student debt, swimming through a major transition period, applying for dietetic internships, heartbroken, insecure and lost. Many of those things are still present in my life but this excerpt reminded me how much I have grown since that point. I may not have completely found my way or figured myself out but…I’m workin on it.
I moved to Boston. Landed the dietetic internship. Started TNK…growing a business while delving into my passions each and everyday. Invested in foodtography school. Moved through three different states. Invested in my true friendships. Found gratitude and forgiveness in my family…
But the one realization I’ve had this year is that life is made up of a lotta EB AND FLOWS. There are days I feel strong, confident and empowered…other days I simply can’t find the energy to show up for myself or other humans. Days my anxiety takes the best out of me, depression deprives me of getting out of bed and taking care of myself is left behind. My mental health is a constant work in progress. The depression, anxiety and weak feelings are not permanent. They come and go, but with that there have been so many beautiful moments where I am BEYONCE status feelin myself. Days I am giddy with passion to pursue my dreams, so confident in my own skin I want to shout from the rooftops and lend that empowering feeling to others.
After reading that excerpt from a year ago, I realized I may not be fully there yet in life but I have come a long way. And honestly? I don’t think any of us will ever reach that picture perfect image of “wellness” we have in our heads. It’s more about growing, learning, and relishing in the beatiful moments when they’re present. Atleast…for me it is.
2019 Words of Intention & Core Values
Awhile back I wrote a post about how I set core values and realign myself with those throughout the year. Today I’ll definitely be taking some time to reference back to those, implementing some changes if need be and just reminding myself to stay true to myself this year.
What I wanted to share with you today are my 2019 words of intention. A practice I learned about from Davida that has truly made an impact on my “goals” throughout the year. Basically, at the start of the year I choose three words. Three words to manifest and live by. It took me some time to really think mine through for 2019. This is key. Do some soul searching. Be still and silent with your thoughts. Reflect on where you’re at in life. The words speak to you I promise (as hippie dippie as it sounds, trust your girl). Below are mine with a little insight on each.
Create & Build: Deep down, I am a creative soul. A deep, emotional creator. As much as I love science and movement, when my mind is able to explore or express all those emotions I have in some way…I feel my best. This year I truly want to focus on my creativity and feed that part of my brain. Use those talents to keep manifesting and building my dreams, business and SELF. I tend to be an idea person, which is a blessing and a curse. There is so much drive and passion built up in me that it can feel overwhelming when all the ideas flood through. I’m hoping to balance those more and take it one day at a time. Push past the anxiety, dark days or judgement from others…and manifest my growth. Build my business. CREATE in new ways and old. Most importantly, use those things to keep CONNECTING with all of you and loved ones.
Nourish: Nourish. This goes far beyond healthy foods for me. While yes, quality of foods and nutrients are very important to me (I mean hello welcome to TNK), nourishment is meant for more than just that. This year I want to not only nourish my body with a balance of nutritious foods but also nourish the soul. My energy. Nourish my friendships and family…While 2018 brought a lot of reslience and strength to my life, it also came with a lot of lacking. Lacking in self care and investement in ME. I know it’s such an overused term but it can be very easy to put ourselves on the backburner when we have all these dreams, goals or turmoil we are trying to work through. The problem is, we can’t show up for others unless we show up for ourself first. I want to create, build and inspire through my passions but it simply won’t work unless I take time to nourish my INNER being more. For me these can be simple things like setting aside time for intentional movement, journaling, getting outside with no podcasts/music, relishing in the nature or architecture around me, taking a bath, eating delicious foods, human connection, going to therapy…
Embrace: For so long I struggled with understanding who I was. Embracing the rough parts of me and my past. Embracing simple life MOMENTS for what they are without dwelling on a plan. This is all still a work in progress. Eb and flow right? This year I want to embrace more things. Be okay with my quirky self and authentic emotional nature. Embrace the dark moments that have happened because they’ve made me who I am. They have taught me about grief, forgiveness, reslience and empathy. Sometimes I feel out of place in the world. But you know what? I freakin love that. And I want to EMBRACE that feeling more. Embrace loving who I am and what’s to come. Embrace my culture and upbringing. But more importantly embrace the good moments that present themselves, without thinking about anything else. Sometimes it’s okay to be a little ignorant. To feel like a child again, taking in each breath, deep hug and pure joy given in that moment. The dog days will come and go but damn, they won’t exist when I’m letting myself FEEL freedom every now and again.
Thank You My Tribe!
PHEW felicia that was a lot of soul bearing. I hope it lent some inspiration or resonated with you in some way. Whether you’re struggling through something (quarter life crisis anyone?) or unsure of where to begin with manfistations in 2019…hopefully my soul bearing was comforting to you. That you are not alone feeling a little lost sometimes. I encourage you try choosing a few words for the year to build off of internally. It has helped me in tremendous ways.
To wrap this up (no pun intended, BYE 2018!), I wanted to shed some gratitdue your way. Even though it’s been a short while since hitting publish back in March of this year, I wanted to THANK YOU for following along my journey. Humoring my passions and creative soul. Thank you for showing up to TNK and the endless support. For making my recipes or reaching out with an emotional response to a wellness post. For asking me about my running shoes or career path. Because yes, even those simple questions connect us more and mean so much. We’re all in this together and feeling like I can be a resource to you in one way or another is BEYOND amazing. Hope you follow along for 2019 and whats to come of TNK and this little side business passion of mine. Have a safe transition into the new year my friends! Keep on keepin on.